Monday, January 31, 2011



I'm going to lighten up this recipe later this week and make it for my favorite boys.

Ultimate adorable portion control.

Lazy Workout.

My "triumphant" return to the gym was pretty tame. This illness has moved itself into my lungs as of... about 6 days ago and it's set up a pretty strong camp. This rendered me useless for anything cardio, and sapped my energy in the strength training department.

I met my friend/co-worker David for a 6:00am workout at the YWCA. We walked around the track quickly to get the heart rates up in a simple way due to my plague. Then, on to the weights. I'm already sore. Literally. David always pushes the limits because he's a gigantic dude. 6'2" and about 250lbs. Clearly we're not evenly matched.

I fell off the "clean eating" wagon yesterday, but reigned it back in quickly and even got in a little bit of activity walking through a foot of snow for half a mile on our way to the Art Sled Rally, which is a annual event in my neighborhood.

I'm starting to wonder if I have pneumonia. This is my 16th day of being sick. That's a really long time. When do I go to the doctor? Yikes.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Back to it... slightly.

That illness really knocked me out. I am still sick, believe it or not, but have been back to work for 2 days and even played broomball last night, so I'm back in it.

I weighed in this AM and was pleased to see that not only had I lost the gain I found last week with TOM and the sick, but had lost an additional .8lbs with it. Woohoo! We're on a roll.

I'll be back with a better update, but I just wanted to hold myself accountable for the weigh in and celebrate a bit.

Thursday, January 20, 2011



So so sick.

I finally caught a cold this winter season and it is overcoming me. I did fine the first day, the 2nd day I was so bored that I succumbed to boredom/stress eating. I had a million things to do but without the energy to do them, I slipped and let my energy fall to every easily edible thing in the house. Anything to numb the pain.

I know better to do this, but I am in foreign territory here. I haven't been REALLY SUPER SUPER SICK since moving into my own place last January. I am not used to having no one around to take care of me in some way. Trips to the store, bringing me a cup of tea, etc. Not used to living around. Even though he offered, I denied the manpanion access to me in this situation. I don't want him to get sick and I feel so gross that I just don't even want the company.

Tonight I went out for some miso soup because I had a workshop to attend that I'd been looking forward to for months. Miso and tea and then the 2 hour workshop. I powered through, but I feel disabled now.

I have been sitting here thinking about how much I don't want to weigh in tomorrow, but I'm not going to play that game. I will take my massive salt/TOM/binge induced gain and be just fine with it and watch my progress continue as I keep going.

Time to sleep.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


It seems I have returned to blogging regularly enough that I get to do my first womanly post of 2011. That's right, TOM. Yesterday was my first day and boy oh boy did it get the best of me.

Well, the best of the prepared-for-TOM me, anyway.

I hit up the bulk bin at my co-op, thus allowing me to purchase small amounts of the snacks I knew I was going to reach for. I needed something salty, something sweet and something indulgent. I grabbed a scoop of yogurt covered pretzels, agave gummy bears and dark chocolate covered almonds.

The key here is the twisty ties. I HATE THOSE THINGS. I tie up my little bags with them and then I don't even want to open them. After the initial super-tight-twist, they're a pain in the ass. I spend the majority of my days untying ridiculous knots and typing, so by the time I want a snack, I don't want to work for it. I don't want to untwist the tiniest of stupid twisty-ties. I hate those things. I'm repeating that for effect.

SO! It's actually a strategy. Because having those bags of delicious all sealed up with twisty-ties means that by the time I'm going into one for an inappropriate amount of whatever is inside, I have enough time to make a better decision or just get frustrated and throw the thing back into my snack basket because I can't deal with the damn twisty-ties. I'm serious. I realize this is a really stupid neuroses to have, but I have it and sometimes it works in my favor.

You may be wondering why I would go out and buy dangerous snacks during TOM? Well, the thing about binge eaters like myself, is that we generally have something in mind that we actually want to eat... and a small amount of that actual thing would suffice and we'd be satisfied of that craving. However, because we try to keep temptation out of the house, we'll just eat everything else searching for something that might satisfy in that same way. It never does. And then we've eaten everything else too, so you're still going to make a trip to the grocery store because now you have no food. It's preparation.

I went a little overboard on them either way. I had 8 of the dark chocolate covered almonds after dinner, which were rich enough to make me feel a little ill. I was already starting to get a scratch in my throat (I am finally getting sick, after every single close friend has caught at least 2 colds this season, and my manpanion had one for nearly 3 weeks, I stayed safe. My guard has been dropped and I'm affected now) so the chocolate made that pretty uncomfortable. 8 of those was 11 PlusPoints. Not too bad. But then, I went on a gummy bear rampage. I ate that whole bag. I had 2 oz, which was everything I bought, semi-knowing this would happen. 2 oz of the agave gummies was 6 points. Not too shabby. So, I wasted 17 points on sweet stuff that I didn't really need minutes before passing out.

It happened. I've washed my hands of it. Now I just have less of my Weekly Points Allowance to play with today and tomorrow, which probably won't matter much because when I get sick, I just want to sleep and drink tea all the time.

Generally, I still workout during TOM as well, but yesterday I was not into it. I gave myself a pass. I still went to the gym, but only to scan my card and pick up a CityPages and walk back out. It's the cheaters way to be sure to get the discount. I would happily have made up that off-day today, but now that I am coming down with something, I will back off. It's important to me to get my health back up and also not to infect anyone else. If by Friday I'm feeling top-notch, I will go and do something light, like a bike or just walking on the treadmill - just to get my blood moving around.

I'm at work now and desperately wishing to be in bed, beginning the rest that I know will knock this cold out of the park. However, I managed to give myself a stomach flu last week and missed 2 days of work, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to power on through this time as I'm behind.

Tomorrow will be the more difficult of these last two days in the office. (I only actually go in Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday from 6:30am to 12:30pm. The other 2 week days are spent working exclusively from my home office, as well as the afternoons Tu-Th are also finished up there). When office hours are over tomorrow, I need to stick around for an hour finishing up odds and ends and then force myself into a meeting that rarely has anything to do with me or my program but is mandatory by our Executive Director. After that, I'll have approximately 2 hours to relax my cold before meeting up with a friend for Happy Hour and attending a workshop.

When THAT is over, I will go home and sleep forever. Possibly even through Friday, just so that I can get over whatever has taken up residence in my throat.

So I'm curious about your TOM. Do you do anything different to prepare? Do you still exercise?

Monday, January 17, 2011

Off topic.

To further my reach and against my better judgement and sense of decency... I'm bringing this here plea over to this blog.

My manpanion is a nominee in a Hotness Contest, which is exactly as it sounds.

If you're bored and have a minute, please vote for him here. It involves creating a sign in for, a local weekly newspaper here in Minneapolis, which you never have to deal with again.

If he wins, my own hotness is validated because he chooses me, and he's winning a hotness contest. Plus, he's freaking hot. Amazingly hot.


Your help is appreciated.

Sunday, January 16, 2011


My legs are screaming in pain.

I got myself together and made it to the gym, though the way this lazy morning went, I wasn't really sure it was going to happen.

Last night, I had a double date with one of my new(er) friends and her husband. We had cocktails at The Bradstreet and then hit up The Seville, which is a Gentleman's club. Yes, real wives and girlfriends support entertainment of this matter, don't judge. I bought my manpanion a lap dance, and after a while we drifted to a nearby dance club and sweat off a ton of calories.

I had given myself permission to "splurge" a bit on the evening because lately the manpanion and I haven't been going "out." He has been so incredibly supportive with my return to weight loss. Last week, we met up for lunch at One on One Bicycle near his office. The owner is a bike friend of mine and he lets us brown bag it in his cafe because I am such an excellent coffee consumer. We used the time for me to explain all the ins and outs of the Weight Watchers program... BECAUSE HE ASKED. He asked how it worked, he asked how to determine PlusPoints and how he could help build us healthier meals. We played around in the Plan Manager and I explained how Activity Points and Weekly Points Allowances work. It felt so great to not only be supported in my goals, but to have someone who eagerly wants to help.

So last night, the manpanion made us dinner. Small portions of amazing salmon, cooked with oil, snap pea pods, carrots and a delicious spicy glaze of sesame oil and sriracha, which is totally my favorite condiment in the world, and a GIANT bowl of fresh fruit. I had banked a ton of APs at the gym earlier in the day by running, walking, using the stepmill and lifting some SERIOUS weights. I ended the night using 17 APs, which I totally had. I got to splurge within my budgeted points! I felt extremely accomplished.

This morning, we laid in bed forever. Had french press coffee and homemade waffles with pineapple rum compote and blueberries (another splurge, but it was brunch, so it was totally worth it) and then laid under a down comforter on the couch just talking. By the time 4:00pm rolled around, I knew I needed to get my butt to the gym because tomorrow is Martin Luther King Jr. Day and the YWCA is closed and I am GOING to earn that health insurance discount.

I had it in my head that I'd take the lazy route, which to me means the elliptical. I mostly think that machine is bullshit. It's great for people with injuries or just starting to get fit or exercise, but for the most part, it's very low impact and doesn't do a whole lot. It is my lazy way out. I had decided to do the lazy girl's workout, but when I got on the machine, I decided to do a hill climb and cranked the resistance up even more. I was dripping sweat by the 10th minute and by the 30th, when I was done, I kind of wanted to die.

Climbing that hill after all the squats and lunges I did during my strength routine yesterday, in addition to the leg press (I can press 220lbs!) my hamstrings were ON FIRE. ON FIRE. It kind of felt literal. They were burning and aching and throbbing. I spent extra time stretching to cool down since I was only putting in 30 minutes compared to my usual 60-90 minutes.

I had a fabulous weekend. I'm excited for what this week has in store.

Is your gym closed tomorrow? What's your fitness plan?

Friday, January 14, 2011

Catching up.

It's Friday night.

I've already swept, scrubbed and mopped the floors. Cleaned the tub. Did all the dishes. All the laundry.

I turned down a delightful dinner invitation from Jen to stay in line with my goals to clean the house, eat dinner at home and save more money. Also, it's snowing [again] and people in MN still don't know how to drive.

After all of that, I had time to catch up on some of the blogs I love reading. Here are some really worthwhile reads:

Alexa at My Tale of Two Cities writes about "The Boyfriend Weight."

Calorie Count blog touches on "tasting" and "picking" while you're cooking.

Lorrie, The Token Fat Girl, answers some really tough questions about her weight loss journey.

The DailySpark shells out 8 totally delicious sounding stew recipes!

I found an article that will help me with my Pull Up goal!


I lost 2.4lbs this week!

I'm excited, enthused, ecstatic and ready to hit the gym.

Thursday, January 13, 2011


Something struck me on Monday when I was returning home from my workout. I pulled up at the same time my ridiculously kind but somewhat downtrodden neighbor, Frank, was warming up his truck and scraping the thin layer of ice from the windshield. He saw my car coming and started waving excitedly and as soon as I got out of the car we had a very nice conversation about the week ahead, the weather, isn't it crazy, etc. A few minutes in to it, his kids came out of the house. They're probably 13 and 16 respectively. Sourest faces you've ever seen.

The kids looked at their father in disgust, for seemingly no reason, yelling demands at him to "Get going." I've seen them treat Frank this way a billion times. I often want to grab them and shake them and tell them that their parents give them everything they have! How can you treat them that way?

..and then I had a really tiny but pretty massive revelation.

My mind is a teenager and my body is the parent.

In the same way it "wouldn't be fair" for me to not go to that party on Friday just because no parents will be there, it "isn't fair" that I can't eat cake all day and not lose weight. I can lay on the couch all day instead of exercise, much like a teenager might lay on the couch and not take out the damn trash. It doesn't take that long, just do it.

My body provides everything for me. A house for my bones and guts and heart. It allows me to move from place to place, like work, or play. It literally keeps me alive. That's its job.

Just like a parent.

I've always envied that parent/child relationship where it's all hugs and smiles and deep conversations. Best friends with a parental twist. I want that for my body.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

My Lifestyle.

After my last blog post on goal setting, I wanted to let Ann's comments really sink in. They're totally reasonable and valid, especially if you really want to be dedicated to weight loss, but sometimes life gets in the way, and that is just [my] reality.

I tried to picture my ideal lifestyle, or the kind of person I want to be, and settled in quite comfortably on the fact that the reason I have gained back some of this weight is because I absolutely am, and want to be, a social creature. The odd thing is, as we get old(er), social outings turn more and more into calorie consumption. Coffee, happy hour, dinner, etc. In the dead of winter it's hard to convince a girlfriend to join you for a -20 degree walk with the dog. It's even harder yet to convince the jet-setters to come play a game of broomball.

My professional life requires me to attend a lot of networking events. I can certainly choose not to indulge at these events, but that's genuinely not what I want to do. I know I can strike a balance, and it's a learning game. I'm going to fail. A lot. And I will learn from it.

I'll learn that I think miniature desserts are adorable and I want to put them in my mouth. A bunch of times. 10 times. And then I'll learn that 10 mini cupcakes amount to a gain on the scale when coupled with a few glasses of wine and some cheese and crackers. And then I'll learn that next time I can still have a mini cupcake, but we'll leave the "s" off the end, and I can still have a glass of wine, but I'll take a few sips and set it down and have a conversation because really, I'm there to further my career, not drink free wine and stuff cupcakes down my throat.

The compromise I have dedicated myself to so far on this new leg of the journey is cooking at home more. I have eaten at home every night this year, which is pretty good considering we're nearly 2 weeks in. I've enjoyed getting back into cooking and learning how to cook for one. Well, technically just still cooking for 4 but learning the proper techniques to freezing the leftovers and remembering that I have a freezer full of brightly colored and labeled leftovers at my disposal when the fridge is starting to look bare.

Not only is this helping me with my weight loss goals, but it's also saving me SO much money. When I start to run out of food, it doesn't mean an emergency trip to the grocery store, because I have about 25 meals in my freezer at any given time. All I need to do is pop them in the fridge to thaw and by dinner time, a quick heat up and I'm set. The only thing I need to purchase regularly is a ton of fruit, mixed greens and my favorite yogurts and cottage cheese!

My ideal lifestyle mixes being a homebody with being a social creature in moderation. Learning the techniques to let indulgences feel like indulgences and not the every day routine. Burgers are not for Monday through Friday, they are for Friday, and Friday only, and maybe only every 3rd Friday if at all.

I definitely think eating out is important. I get all sorts of ideas for my cooking through eating at different restaurants. I truly enjoy and savor food when I am out, versus my tendency to scarf it down in front of the Housewives when I'm at home. I also love eating out for the opportunities it provides Date Night with my manpanion, whom I don't live with. We do all sorts of active things, but the 2 of us LOVE to eat, and there's no sense denying that.

How do you balance life and weight loss? Where are your areas that you simply won't compromise because you know it's important to learn this as a long-term lifestyle over a quick fix? Do you still eat dessert every night, enjoy a soda a few times a week or grant yourself permission to drink a glass of wine in the bath?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Goal Setting

I have been working on updating my blog to fill it with more current information.

I want to do something with my recipes page, but I'm stalling because it feels like a big project and I have plenty of other things to focus on right now. goal setting!

I need to finish setting my weight loss and fitness goals for the year!

So far I have a few that you can find here. You'll notice there are a few slots for "TBD" (To Be Determined) because I haven't figured them out yet.

Can you help?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Full Steam.

I recovered very well from that small binge day.

Just writing it out and reflecting on it really helped me put it into perspective of how far I have come over the past 4 years.

In "the old days" that binge would have included an entire box of cereal, ice cream, chocolate cake, and anything else I could get my hands on because, you know, I'd "already ruined everything."

You haven't ruined anything. This is a life-long journey. I try to remember that daily. Every single day is an opportunity to learn a new habit, or overcome an old one in some way. I feel like I handled that over-eating day pretty well.

Since then I have been completely on target with my daily PlusPoints allotment, or have used my Activity Points. I'm still very excited that we are able to change our preferences to allow for Activity Points to be used prior to the Weekly Points Allowance. I like to feel that I have to "earn" my extra treats.

When I was losing the most weight, the bulk of my weight, the Weight Watchers Program would draw first from Activity Points AND you were only allowed to use those activity points on the day they were earned.

That WORKED for me.

Now, with the new Weight Watchers Program I can make my Points Tracker act that way again!

I've also been back to the gym having *real* workouts like I used to. Weight lifting, running, stepmilling, sweating.

I am BACK. That means soon, there will be actual blog posts about actual topics that aren't 100% about me.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

oh oh overboard.

Well, first bump in the road.

Yesterday I was feeling awfully snacky. I was also stressed. Hmmm... I wonder if they were related? (They definitely were.)

I started the day off with a relatively high PointsPlus breakfast. A bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal which claims to have as much protein as an egg. It does, but it's not the same kind of protein. It's a bowl of carbs, essentially, and it tastes like it, which is why I wanted it.

So, that bowl of cereal, with the almond milk, plus my coffee, with the almond milk, came to 7 points. Not bad, but it wasn't a whole lot of food for 7 points. I packed up two clementines and a 1oz bag of almonds for a snack during my work morning.

I'm at work. Things are kind of falling apart. It's busy. I'm annoyed. Something else is annoying me. I'm stressed AND annoyed because I have my yearly physical mid-afternoon and I'm considering going back on birth control. I'm researching the costs of my chosen, or favored, birth control option, the NuvaRing. I'm calling pharmacies and asking their price per ring without insurance.

Enter co-worker with a chocolate covered pretzel. Offering it to me. I take it, wrap it in a napkin and stuff it in my desk. Not falling for it.

Now, I have insurance, but that stupid high deductible insurance where you're essentially working without insurance until you've paid out the amount of your incredibly high deductible. So, I need to spend $1450 medical dollars before they cover stuff, BUT then they cover everything. The smart me would have gone ahead and done all of this a month ago, when I had already hit my deductible and I could have stockpiled everything for the new year. However, after calling 9 pharmacies and finding out that the cheapest price per ring was $69.91... and I'd need to spend that every month, I started reading more about IUDs.

That's a big decision. I eat the chocolate covered pretzel, blatantly ignoring the clementines and almonds I brought.

I've always been a little bit scared of them (IUDs), mostly because I don't understand how they work and of course we're terrified of things that don't make sense. The more I read, the more I was intrigued. The more I talked to other women who have them, the more I wanted one.

I went home and made myself some lunch. Surely having a meal in me would calm me down. Turkey sandwich on whole grain bread with a little horseradish mustard, spinach and tomatoes. Yum. I scarfed that thing.

But... I'm still hungry (snacky) so I made a 1/2 cup of cottage cheese with fresh cracked black pepper and read a little more about IUDs.

So I brought it up at my appointment. Apparently, my nurse practitioner whom I love and adore had some opinions about women without children getting IUDs. Mostly from a medical standpoint, and not a judging one. That there is a higher rate of displacement because of the shape of our uterus, etc. Either way. I'm getting one. Also, my ladybits look spectacular, as per usual.

Then I had to call around and find out the price of the procedure. $168! NOT BAD! Awesome. I can afford that.

Oh.. but the IUD? That costs $780.

So... $1000.

But, given the comparison of using a ring monthly at $70... and the fact that Mirena IUD lasts 5 years, or ParaGuard lasts 12... I will save $3200 or $9980 respectively over the course of those years. So... worth it. PLUS, I will be very close to my deductible very close to the beginning of the year, which means I will be able to see my therapist pretty much free of charge for the whole year. I like this ending.


I made some lemonade because I needed to pretend it was summer for about 2 hours. Summer makes me happy and I'm on deadline at work for a bunch of stuff. I have about 39840384093 reports due in the next week and Paul, my manpanion and IT guy is going to do a bunch of weird stuff to my computer on Monday which means it will be out of commission for approximately 8 hours, which means I can't work. Which also means if he screws up, not only will he NOT be being paid in kisses, but I will probably cry and kill myself. In which case, Jessica can have my totally clean MacBook Pro.

I make some popcorn.

Clearly I'm snacky. Clearly I want to keep shoving things in my mouth. So at this point I need to go for low points with volume. Popcorn is a good choice.

Not enough.

I just kept snacking. I tried to make better decisions. I had the popcorn when I really wanted potato chips (which I don't keep in the house and actually can't even remember the last time I had them). I made the lemonade when I really wanted a soda (even though I don't keep that in the house either).

I realized at about 5:30pm, my 11th hour of going going going for work and doctory stuff, that I just needed more protein. I had a hard boiled egg. Good, but gone in pretty much two bites.

I take a small trip over to Paul's to pick up a loner mouse. It will speed things up with my reporting as there are a billion stupid tiny boxes to click and the trackpad on my computer was really slowing me down.

I get there, I pick it up. He offers me turkey soup. I say no. I leave.

I literally have no points left at this point. I am exactly at 0.

I get home, continue working (with the mouse I get about 2x more done in an hour and a half). I suppose I should make some dinner.

I made AMAZING soup the night before for some girlfriends. I reheat it. I add some pork roast (that I also made the night before but not for the soup). Perfect. Satisfying. In the red now by 7 points, all of which I have in my weekly flex points.

I work a little more. Now into my 15th hour (really 14 if we subtract the stupid physical) and I want dessert. I don't have dessert. I have some peanut butter bumpers cereal. It's sweet. It's perfect. It's 5 more points. -11.

All in all, not that bad for a bingey day.

Today I have the clementines and almonds in my arsenal. I realize what happened yesterday and I can change it. I know that I have pears and grapefruit in my fridge, and if I go on a binge, I have to eat those first. And then I need to go outside for a minute and reevaluate if I'm actually hungry or not. And then, if clear-headed me decides I am, I will eat something.

So. Comment on something. Snacks. IUDs. What's on your mind?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


One of the things I'm trying to consider in this next step on the journey (you know, the step where I try to re-lose weight I've already lost), is what my idea of a "meal" is.

I grew up in a relatively traditional non-traditional home. My parents divorced when I was very young and my brother and I had to fend for ourselves in terms of what to eat for what meal. Not that my parents weren't providing food; they certainly were. More than enough of it. My mom would even make dinner in the very few hours she had to sleep between 18 hour shifts so that we'd just be able to pop it in the microwave.

Far too often we chose to eat whole boxes of cereal out of salad bowls.

Even more often we'd forgo any "real" food in favor of chocolate cake.

But when we did sit down to eat as a family, it was a protein, a vegetable and 1-2 starches. Always. That is my idea of a meal.

I always feel that I have to construct things that way, if I'm going to "sit down and eat." However, I'm also accustomed to just grabbing whatever is convenient and tasty and what I want right now. Needless to say, it's difficult for me, now as a single person (or at least solo apartment dweller) to figure it out.

I've been trying to overhaul my idea of a meal. Lunch doesn't have to be a sandwich and a salad, or leftovers, or a Lean Cuisine. It could be a small bowl of cottage cheese and an orange. In my head that sounds like a snack, but in reality, it could be lunch.

I'm babbling, but I know other people feel this way too.

Yesterday, I had a small clementine and some almonds for breakfast where I'd normally eat a bowl of oatmeal or some cereal. It was a welcome change because I'm not so much a fan of breakfast in general. I'm not hungry in the morning and I don't want food to stick to my ribs. I chose to eat "snack food" as a "meal" and it felt great.

Last night for dinner I also wasn't' much in the mood for a "meal" and I had a small bowl of quinoa salad and an apple.

I realize, of course, that there are many "diets" where you're encouraged to just eat 5 small meals a day. Meals like these "meals," but this is all new to me.

Do you ever run into this?

Monday, January 3, 2011

Weight Watchers FTW!

I feel incredibly giddy and validated today.

After tracking my lunch (turkey and white bean dip sandwich + 2 deviled egg halves) I was doing a bit of sleuthing in the new Plan Manager.

All I was really trying to do was to change my Weigh-In Day from Sunday to Friday, but I discovered a plethora of other changes I could make!

Such as:
  • Changing my preference to draw from my Activity Points before my Weekly Flex Points
  • Changing whether or not I want to use Activity Points from a weekly bank or only on the day that I earn them
  • My WI day, of course
I am so very excited to be able to draw from my Activity Points before my Weekly Extras again. This was a large problem I had with the last major plan change before this one in the new year. Being able to switch to a method that REALLY helped me lose weight is a giant motivator for me. I have been attempting to "get things back" to the way they were when I was consistently dropping pounds. I mean, I LOST 60 POUNDS! That's pretty huge. I want to get back to that "losing" mentality.

I hope that simply knowing some of these options exist will help you too. Just click "settings" in your plan manager.