ok ok ok.

Well, I'm playing games again. Already.

At the very least, I am owning up to them, and coming back here and continuing to sign into WeightWatchers.com even though this morning I didn't want to.

I made a meal plan yesterday afternoon. I stuck to it through lunch, but fell off plan when a friend tempted me into Happy Hour with a gift certificate. Free? Can't pass up free, right?

That's not true. You can totally pass up free. I used to pass up free, but it's a little harder now with less motivation.

So, I drank some sake. And I ate some beef jerky. Oops.

Then I had some wine, which I planned for.

And then I was convinced I wanted tacos (which was true, I wanted them) and had a margarita and some tacos. I was offered a second margarita (TWO FOR ONES) and had 2 sips and asked her to take it away. I also ate about an entire basket of chips.

Wahhhhhhhh.

So, I don't even know how to track how many chips I had, so I've just decided I have no flex points left, which definitely doesn't work for this weekend at all. I have a board meeting tonight, and there are always cupcakes there. I will turn them down. This is promise - to myself, and now to you.

Tomorrow night I am going to a fashion show where there will be free wine. Need to think of a good plan for this.

Saturday is a good friend's birthday. I need a plan for this.

Sunday is the beginning of a new week. I just need to make it through these hurdles and start all over.

The easy thing to do would be get in some activity points. That's what I always did, but the fact of the matter is that this week, I simply do not have time. I'm not overexagerating either. I have been working nonstop and then running around doing all the other things I have to do and inbetween I have been fitting in very small bouts of date time with my manpanion. That date time is generally spent biking, so that's a little something, but it's my mode of transportation and doesn't really count as exercise.

Next on my to-do list (next week) is to re-join the YWCA. I need to be back in a gym, but I want to start on a week that I can actually go. That is not this week.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed trying to plan for life?

Suggestions for how to stay on plan through a friend's birthday party? Eeeeek.

chalking it up.

Yesterday wasn't the greatest day for my food plan. Know why? Because I didn't have one.

The first half of the day went well, regardless. I ate breakfast (oats + 1tbsp Peanut Butter) and had a small banana for a snack. I was having a TERRIBLE day and because I'm prone to emotional eating, I was very much on guard.

A friend of mine, trying to be a sweetheart (and succeeding) brought me some tart treats from Whole Foods, delivering them to my workplace. They looked decadent, but because I recognized I was in a terrible mood, I made sure to give 2 of the 3 treats away. I did savor one, and I took the time to savor every second of it.

I didn't get a chance to sit down and eat lunch until about 2pm, which for someone who gets to work at 6:30am is really really really late. I am generally home for lunch, which makes eating healthy an easier option. I had baked up some spaghetti squash on Sunday, so I tossed some of that in a pan with homemade sauce and a handful of spinach. You really can't get a heartier low point lunch than that. It came out to 1.5 points, and it was a sizable bowl of hot deliciousness. I feel like that more than made up for the tart that I savored earlier.

Things started to fail as I felt more and more stressed in the late afternoon. I'd been working all day, running all over the city, ate a late and relatively hurried lunch which made me hungry for dinner a little early. I re-heated a small portion of pork roast and some yams and gobbled it up in a matter of minutes. Because I didn't leave time to FEEL full, I didn't feel full. I ate an ice cream cone. And then I ate a popsicle. I tracked both of these and still had points left for the day.

I headed out to meet up with Paul, my manpanion, at his house just because. He got a new rear wheel for his bike, which was a fixed gear and now it's a 3-speed internal hubbed cycle of awesomeness. I sat around on the porch preparing for a workshop and drinking half of a Crispin Cider. [I'm out of points now]

Did I mention I stopped on the way there and bought 1/2 a dozen cupcakes?

Did I mention I only tasted one of them, and when I say taste I literally mean taste?

Win.

I attended my workshop, which I forgot went until 9pm instead of 8pm. I sat there, somewhat bored and definitely tired which I mistook for hungry because every unidentifiable feeling in my life equals hunger, apparently. Luckily, I had a Kashi granola bar in my purse. I ate it. [-3.5 points at this point. I count .5 points for the lick of the cupcake] Then I had a glass of wine [-5.5 points]

When I realized I really should get to a birthday party for a friend I hadn't seen in about 4 months... I dedicated myself to attending for at least 45 minutes. My best friend decided to go too, sweetening the deal. I hadn't seen her in at least 3 weeks, which is too too long. I had 2 beers [-11.5 points] but a lot of fun.

When I got home, I felt "hungry" again. I made a fried egg [-13.5 points] and dished up a little bit of my favorite brussel sprout/bacon hash [-16.5 points].

I fell asleep almost instantly.

So, not a great eating day, but I had all of my flex points available. HAD being a key word. Now I only have 18.5 of them and I'm going to need those because I am too busy/tired to actually get any activity in.

I didn't wise up and make a meal plan for today, mostly because I was asleep. I'm thinking about cranking that out as soon as I hit "publish" on this post.

Do you make meal plans?

cook cook cookies.

I spent my entire day cooking after I headed out to the Farmer's Market yesterday.

I roasted: beets, leeks, sweet potatoes, brussel sprouts, onions.

I prepared a 5lb pork roast and roasted that up with potatoes, yams, carrots and onions.

I also turned those roasted brussel sprouts into my favorite breakfast/brinner hash with turkey bacon and potatoes.

I had two girlfriends over for some social time while I did the dishes and we had some wine and played in my closet.

I ended the day with 12 points remaining because when you're handling food all day you don't get too hungry.

I ate yogurt with granola for dinner because granola is one of my favorite foods but it's usually not worth the points involved. It felt like dessert for dinner and it was indulgent.

I also went on a mini walk yesterday, which in the gorgeous weather felt like a treat.

It was a great start to my Weight Watchers week. I have a fridge full of awesome WW-friendly food and I am prepared!

How do you ready yourself for the week ahead?

morning plans.

It's late September here in Minnesota, which means the chill hits you when you flip back the covers in the morning. I've had a particularly long week full of overtime at work, annoying conversations and saying "no" to a lot of enticing offers to go out in order to stick to my budget and my meal plan.

I'm sitting in bed, wearing my Snuggie as a robe and the covers pulled up to my lap while I wait to hear the kettle whistle letting me know that my oats will be ready in mere moments... because it's late September here in Minnesota... which means I'm going through my annual "GIMME CARBS" phase of eating.

But oatmeal is a smart choice.

I stayed in last night because I was working until 10:30pm on a few projects that need to be finished by the end of the month, which also explains the overtime at work, and will explain it moving forward when I keep talking about how I was working until 10pm or 11pm or until I should be getting up the next day but never slept because I was working all night. I'm burned out on it, but I need the paycheck. I've been quietly and patiently looking for a new position that will feed my interests a bit more; I've been at this job for 6 years and while I still love the idea of it, I'm no longer challenged, or really even all that enthused by it any longer.

Mornings are my favorite time of day, especially now when it's just a little bit colder and it makes staying under the covers feel like the ultimate indulgence. It somehow feels a little easier to enjoy the simple things, which makes the tiniest thing feel like a reward.

It's Sunday, which means it's the beginning of my Weight Watchers week now. When I moved to online only I decided Sunday would be a great weigh in day for me. It forces me to continue healthy habits on Friday and Saturday and not play that "I still have 4-5 days to make up for it" game. I'd rather just stay on track as often as possible, create the habits that need to be created.

But it's Sunday, so I just weighed myself. It's the first time I've weighed myself in months. This morning I was finally feeling ready.

I officially report that I'm at 164.0lbs. That's quite the gain from my lowest weight, but I'm accepting myself where I am, because there is no point in thinking any other way. This is what I weigh. No matter how much I fret or curse it, it's still a fact, so there's no point to do that. I weigh one-hundred-sixty-four pounds.

I have 25lbs to lose now. I'm breaking that down to 5lb goals so that it seems less impossible. I'm also well aware it's not impossible, because this is weight I've already lost, I just regained it and need to lose it again, so there.

This morning I am treating myself to a trip to the St. Paul Farmer's Market. This is the best time of year to go to the market for produce. The crop is more varied and a lot of the root vegetables are ready to go. Perfect for roasting and crockpots and hearty meals. I love the St. Paul Farmer's Market the most because they require all vendors be from within 100 miles. The Minneapolis Farmers Market allows re-sellers and I can sometimes be confused by who's who and where are they from and is this produce really local? That's an easy question to answer when you see bananas and pineapple at someone's stand. We don't really grow those things here in the midwest. I prefer STP because it takes ALL of the guess work out of it. I can easily spend my money the way I intended and not have to search.

Do you have a farmer's market in your town?

hello again.

Hello again my friends.

I'm making a firm attempt to return to blogging. I needed to get my footing first.

I have been on a going-out strike for about 2 weeks at this point, trying to regain momentum with my motivation toward cooking for myself and focusing on making healthy choices. This has been going well so far, but mostly because I have taken a new direction for a main goal, which has been my budget.

It's easy to focus on how expensive healthy food is when you're swiping your card at the grocery store, but all in all we know that cooking for ourselves at home is incredibly economical.

If you're a budget conscious person, I highly recommend mint.com as a tool. It's ridiculously user-friendly and quite eye opening. Also, pie charts.

Mint.com let me know that in August I spent more than $600 out at bars and restaurants. This doesn't work at all because it's about 1/4 of what I make in a month. Possibly more depending on the month now that my organization has cracked down on who is exempt and who is not with the entrance of our new HR director (and an HR department in general). I am no longer salaried and the balance of 30 hour weeks to 70 hour weeks has been shifted with the seasons. This will end up working in my favor more often than not because I tend to get extremely busy in the cooler months with the holidays, so I expect that quite a bit of overtime will be coming my way. This week alone I worked 16 hours of overtime. YE$.

I fully realize that the absence of exercise has contributed the most to my weight gain. I used to be a gym rat. It used to be my favorite way to spend time. Now I rarely even want to ride my bicycle. I quit my fancy gym that I was never using, and have decided to re-join the YWCA. That means ZUMBA! That means 8 blocks from my house! That means a WAY cheaper membership! Efficiency.

You can expect to see me posting here regularly again, as it is a pledge I have made to my best friend who has realized that blogging really helped her in her journey and we are both working on losing weight we have re-gained. I am hoping that my commitment to re-committing will help her along also as we have always stuck together.