Sunday, October 17, 2010
Fear is not an option.
I've been thinking a lot about how I'm going to pull this off lately.
I have become so accustomed to instant gratification, giving in for the sake of a brief moment of joy, even with the consequences.
I'm up another 2 pounds since I last weighed myself. I feel hopeless when I look in the mirror again. Not because I look terrible, or because I'm "disgusting" or any of those things we tell ourselves, but simply because I know what I am capable of and that I'm not doing it.
That just a year ago, I was 20 pounds less than I am now, in great shape and loving every minute of it.
I want to be back there.
I'm tracking this morning. I made myself eggs and cottage cheese even though I wanted to go out to brunch. I'd like to lay in bed all day but instead I'm taking the dog to the Minnehaha Dog Park and plan to walk and hike and climb with him for 2 hours.
My lunch and dinner plans are made. My day is planned out around points again, the way I need it to be. I'm tracking. I'm consciously thinking about what I need to do.
I WILL get back there. It's a decision, every day.