Sunday, January 10, 2010

Starting Over.

Well my friends, I have a unique opportunity.

I'm starting over.

Not with this journey, not with a new job, not with a new haircut, nadda.

I am literally reinventing my life, or so it feels.

For the first time in 10 years, I'm a single girl. Before you get all girlfriendly "oh I'm so sorry" etc etc, please know that this is a very good thing. And as you've seen the loving pictures of me and my partner on this here blog you'll know that no matter what, that won't be broken - even if it is separated into two households. While it's always nice to say "I hope we'll be friends," It's a lot easier to say "I know we'll be friends." and mean it.

It would be really easy for me to feel like my life was crumbling around me, but I won't allow myself to sink that low. Life is now full of possibilities in places where they weren't, and I have the amazing opportunity to live alone. This is also something I have never done. Just me, the dog, and our apartment - which I'm still hunting for.

This also means good things for my physical fitness as I attempt to keep my mindset positive, I've been staying very busy with activity. Yesterday, I attended Aerial Class again and swung on the trapeze and later went to Bikram Yoga class with a girlfriend who had never tried it before.

In all honesty, the Bikram class was like a bad trip. As I allowed myself to relax, my mind wandered - attempting to find a place of silence and relaxation. Of course, it couldn't, because right now I'm in no way relaxed. The great part about breaking down in tears in the middle of a Bikram Yoga class is that no one notices. There are beads of sweat pouring from everyone and who can tell the difference?

It's a loss, no less, and I will grieve and mourn and cry and do all the things girls do when they end a relationship, but for the most part I am feeling strong and empowered, excited for what is on the horizon and where the life I've been creating for the last 2 years will take me.

It was great time to run in to this post through DumbLittleMan. Because I will be having this "fresh start," what do I want to do with it?

I wish I had the list all made out to share with you, but I think it's going to take some time to be thoughtful about it. Intentional. I have never really focused on what I want to do, just me, and only me. It's always been what I'd like to do, but with consideration for what you might want to do too. Or there have always been factors, like making sure it doesn't cut into time with my partner, and all of those other rules we live by in life.

Do you have any suggestions for my list? Maybe there is something I've never even THOUGHT of that I might like to do. I bet you guys have the answers.

I also came across a type of yoga I had never heard of through Nicci at Nicci's Nifty Eats. I did a little research (google) and found a place nearby that teaches Anusara Yoga, which is as much about alignment as it is about attitude - both things I need work on. Any of my Minneapolis readers want to try a class with me?

What would you do if you were starting all over? You can change anything. Any detail. Reinvent your story.


Rebecca said...

oh nic, I'm gonna go ahead and say I'm sorry because like you said, a loss is a loss.

from your post, it sounds like you've known it's been coming so I'm sure that may help ease the transition a tad!!

sending you virtual hugs!!

and if you ever want to chat my email is

or DM me and I can give you my cell number!

Joanna said...

I would love to try anasaura yoga with you. Let me know if you need help with an apartment search or anything. I might know of a place or two in Longfellow. I admire your perspective on this change. I am glad I have the relationship I have, but being single can provide flexibility, impulsivity, and a level of self-care that is often unattainable while in a relationship.

Jessitracker said...

I want to recommend a book that might be good to read right now. Part of it is about how people cope with big changes in their life and I think you will really like it.

moonduster said...

You have a terrific attitude about this. And I am sorry for any heartache this is causing you.

I've decided that 2010 is going to be a wonderful year, full of great things happening, and I believe this is true for all of my friends as well.

May this new year (and new you?) open up a world of possibilities and dreams to come true for you!

Glam said...

Since breaking up with my fiance over almost two years ago was the greatest single decision I ever made, I'm gonna say congratulations for taking the road less traveled: the one where you're truly honest with yourself no matter how scary the prospect of ending something is.

Good luck with the apartment hunt; that does truly suck the most.

I'm excited for you & this new future of yours. The slate is completely clean & you can do whatever you want - travel, be completely selfish & focused, spontaneous, etc.

nic said...

You're all lovely.

Thanks for your words and concerns but genuinely, while mourning the loss of an incredible love and friendship, I am excited about the prospects of this new life.

I am stronger than I was years ago, and I can do this. I embrace it.

Tamzin said...

Sounds like you are up for the challenege. I can't wait to read about your single girl adventures!

Holly L. said...

Hi Nic! I agree that the best way to move forward at the close of a relationship is to look at all the doors that are opening! If I could start over I would love to move somewhere completely different, like California (I live in Vermont). I don't know that I would have the balls to carry through, but that's what I day dream of. Congratulations to you for having the balls and for taking life by the horns!

Lor said...

you go, girlfriend. like other readers, i greatly admire your views on change and starting over. you're strong -- we all know you are. i know you've got plenty of other friends and readers you are wayy closer to than I, but i'm here if you need anything, to vent to, complain to, rejoice with, whatever you need.

i am proud of you, and I know only good things lay ahead! chin up, girl. **hugs**

Missy said...

Ugh, I needed your post today. I am working my way out of a 7 year mess of a relationship with someone I love dearly but cannot be in a relationship with anymore. Your post was a reminder of the positive side of a door closing. It's so easy to just see the closed door and feel stuck and devastated.

Good luck as you begin a new journey.