Thursday, January 14, 2010

Free Dinners and Self-Destructive iTunes Playlists.

Ok kids.

I'm not in it. For the last 2 days I have been either not eating or eating horribly. I'm not tracking, even with the TRACK ATTACK, and I need to get back there. (Sorry Joanna, you must be bored)

Yesterday, I had 1 slice of bread with an unmeasured but extremely small portion of peanut butter smeared on it hurriedly as I was leaving the house for work at 6:15am. Around 2:00pm I realized I hadn't eaten anything since that and I made myself a quick bowl of granola.

I went to Bikram again yesterday to try to rescue myself from the horrible class I had last Saturday where I both exploded in laughter and then subsequently tears as I sobbed my way through the last hour of class. I want my Bikram back. I was determined for this to be a better class. I even brought along my best friend, Jessica. She had never done Bikram before so I was pretty excited to share it with her. I was totally convinced she was going to love it.

The class sucked.

I'm not just being a negative nelly, and it wasn't either of our faults. It was an instructor I'd never had and he was a total douchebag from the second we got there. His tone of voice was accusatory, totally unwelcoming and totally uninspiring. He basically singled 4 people in class out because they were the names he could remember: Jessica and I were 2 of the names.

I understand that this practice is about perfecting form for some people. Great, that's not why I go. I go because none of my other fitness is even remotely relaxing. I go because it feels like a detox. I go because I don't have to talk to anyone; in fact talking is not allowed. I go because it's something I ordinarily would never do. Either way, I don't go to be the world's best yogi. I suck at Bikram yoga, honestly. Usually I don't like to participate in activities I'm not instantly good at, and I'm really not good at this, and neither was Jessica. Why should she be? She's never done it before, she's in a highly heated room with 25 other people, standing with her head below her heart.

Either way, the instructor made us both uncomfortable and I'm writing a letter. It doesn't sound like much writing out part of the story here, but I'm actually still angry about it so I can't send the letter until I've calmed down some.


Jessica took me to dinner because she's lovely. She also gave my Christmas present (yeah we hadn't seen each other in a while) which was extremely thoughtful: a "thirsty" towel for my yoga mat! For Bikram! It soaks up sweat super fast and won't move all over the place like my stupid beach towel does. The second was a daily planner (love) from Eating Well (love) with tear out recipes on every other page (love). It's safe to say that this is pretty much THE perfect gift for me.

I love writing things down. I can't stop writing things down all day. I already have 3 daily planners and I use them all for different things and I will definitely use this one as well! I'm especially excited about having an arsenal of never-tried-before recipes to bring with me into my new life. I'm going to be VERY open to trying new things.

On that front, the love/lost front, I'm mostly still in survival mode: trying to find cheap furniture that doesn't look like I dragged it from the alley behind a house - which I have no problem doing. There are just a bunch of things that I need, and a lot of things that I want. Need comes first. Want comes later.

I'm sorry I'm so boring this week guys. There will be very exciting adventures to come relatively soon, but we may be in a non-exciting dry spell for a bit while I kind of pick up the pieces and get my stuff together.

If I don't blog for days, don't be surprised or concerned, but feel free to email me if you're just going nuts wondering what's going on.


Amanda said...

hang in there, womam.

What a Splurge said...

I use a variety of calendars (some electronic and some on paper) to keep myself organized. Somehow it all works!

Tiffany said...

Bummer about the class and the bonehead instructor. What a letdown :(
Also, if survival mode is where you are, that's where you are. You have to deal with this situation the best way for YOU....even if that means you're smoking again. Been there, done that.
This is no one's journey but yours. Take care!

Rebecca said...

when are you moving into your new place? soon?

Missy said...

I just found you through Jen's blog since you'll be at the MN blogger dinner! Your progress pics are amazing!!!!

totegirl said...

Sweet lady, I'm sorry you couldn't find joy and comfort from the one thing you were totally looking forward to doing. That guy IS a douche, and a nasty letter should get sent immediately. Boo on him for making a relaxing event stressful.

Take it easy on yourself, okay? If I was in MN, I would totally give you a hug, but for now, this one will have to do: (((((HUGS)))))

Stephanie said...

Oh, bad Bikram instructors are really the worst. It's such an intense class and you really only have their voice to keep you going as you attempt to hold these brutal postures for what seems like ages.
BODA weight loss

takinitoff said...

hey girl! just checkin in to make sure you're doing okay! i know weekends can be rough, so i'm hopin you're doing well.

so excited to meet you next week! --Adrienne