Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Coming Clean.

I've been avoiding you.

I'm just being honest.

I think having a blog when you're going through something traumatic like ending a super long term relationship is like have a telephone when you've downed a bottle of tequila.

I had a really fantastic conversation yesterday surrounding the weird things we do when we we truly believe we can't do something ourselves. It's all self-medication, short cuts and just generally sweeping things under the rug. I'm through with all of it, hence all of the change in my life that you get to read about. It's just hard. Things that are worth doing are hard; they're also the most rewarding, educational, and they feel really good to celebrate.

Oh... P.S. About self medicating: I'm smoking again.

Sorry I let you down kids. It was a good run, but I honestly can't handle all of it at once, and because I'm eating well again, back to exercise, but now venturing out on my own as a single girl, something had to collapse. I'll try again when I'm ready.

Upcoming exciting stuff: Jen at is gathering up any MN healthy/weight loss/fitness/crazies bloggers for a meet up. I'll be there.

In food news, having Joanna be my accountable buddy with our Weight Watcher's TRACK ATTACK game, I did really well. I'm still not weighing in, so I won't know how well, but I'm just filled with a general sense of pride for staying the course through this week. That's pretty impressive.

Today, after work, Jessica and I are headed to Bikram for her very first class. I scared the bejesus out of her last night when I was telling her what she needed to bring and some of the regulations of the practice. I'm really good at ruining exciting things with too much information.

Can you believe it's 2 weeks (well.. 13 days) in to January already? Weren't we just sharing resolutions and drinking champagne? (Well, you were. I was asleep.) I'm feel pretty accomplished already this year and here's why:
  • I've learned to do tricks on a trapeze, thus conquering a small fear of dangling from ceilings (or the sky, or a mountain) and also looking extremely cool in the process.
  • I've been drinking water like a maniac, which was one of my goals for the year.
  • I had the courage to leave a relationship that just wasn't working even though it's a difficult thing to do.
  • I found a fantastic apartment the next day.
  • I've reunited with 3 friends I hadn't seen it what felt like forever, and have just generally been more social in a way that does not overwhelm me.
  • All of these accomplishments prove I've learned to both appreciate and listen to myself and my own needs, as well as overcome the fear of being uncomfortable.
What is your proudest accomplishment this year?


totegirl said...

Quitting smoking is either impossible or it takes a really long time for some of us, huh? I had 2 drags last night, one whole one a few days ago, and several cigarettes on 1/1. But that doesn't mean I've totally failed. I was up to a pack a day, so I feel really successful!

Good news about the apartment! And about the trapeze and the meet up! This is all good stuff, and I look forward to many stories and pictures!

Not sure what my proudest accomplishment is yet. I'm working on not being so spastic. That would bew something to be proud of!

Doug said...

You are doing great working through this. Keep it up.

If quitting smoking were easy then nobody would smoke. If eating healthy were easy (for us anyway), the world wouldn't be so obese.

You're doing what you can and that's what matters.

Happy hump day.

Joanna said...

Yayyy Nicole! I love track attack. It has definitely made me follow through with tracking in a way I never have before. As for proudest accomplishments - I finally joined an Improv class. It is going to change my life. I know it. Here's to 2010!

Jen, a priorfatgirl said...

HA! Sometimes, I feel like I wanna avoid the blog too! But, don't think of it as you "HAVE" to do it. Use it how you want - talk about what you want and leave out the other stuff until/if your ready to talk about it.

You have a lot going on so keep pushing through.

AND, I can't wait to meet you next week!

Bella said...

I think you have enough on your plate right now, huh? You can always try to quit smoking when life has calmed down a bit.
My biggest accomplishment this year was finishing and handing in my 80 page thesis.

antgirl said...

Oh, I quit smoking more than once. Don't sweat that one.

I dreamed about it last night, which is weird because I never think about it. It's been 10 years and I have no desire to smoke.

Give yourself a little wiggle room through all this. You sound healthy and positive, though. Yaay you!

krissie said...

I'm so glad you found me...and that that made me find you!

My biggest accomplishment so far this year? I've kept track of every recipe I've made so far this year. And I've cooked every day. I'm gonna give awesome cookbooks as Christmas presents next year!