Saturday, January 2, 2010

Cheers to YOUR Beers.

I was right. Most of the members of my gym were absent at 8:15am on New Years Day morning. I got in a killer workout, and when I was leaving around 10:00am, watched a lot of haggard smelly people roll themselves through the door.


I headed to my Mom's house after the gym. I've spoken about it before, briefly, but my Mom and I have a difficult relationship. Out of respect for her, I won't go in to detail, but it's safe to say that most every interaction we have leaves me feeling slighted, "less than," or screaming my head off. I knew this can be the year we can tame those things. I picked us up some Northern Lite Lattes from Caribou and headed over. I generally always try to stop for coffee before setting foot inside my childhood home, no matter what time of day (or night) it is. This is the backdrop where all of my poor eating habits were formed and year by year I'm trying to recast myself as a new player: not the girl who's digging in the cupboards for anything... even saltines... to eat in excess.

We sipped our coffees, laughed at her dog, talked about the days since Christmas and how stressful both of our jobs have been. And then she asked me...

Something I vowed to stop doing because it always ends in tears. Something I vowed to say "no" to no matter what...

My 60 year old mother asked me to show her how to "do something on the computer."

Anything that has to do with computers and my Mom becomes a high-stress situation. I am a patient and kind teacher, but when she starts to get freaked out, I get frustrated and then we both yell. This time around, it was actually fun! When she started to get high-stress about not understanding, I simply explained it another way, or another way, or another until we found a route that made sense to her. She wrote everything down, she did a few trials while I was there, and SUCCESS! She can now create photo albums, upload pictures, tag people, write captions and rearrange them on Facebook. I also taught her how to download pictures by capturing them online and then uploading them to her own Facebook page, should someone put some pictures of her on their blog, etc etc.

She was smiling, clapping, happy. Those things I rarely see in her anymore. It was a truly joyful event in its simplicity and I'm so glad it was the way I started my year. It was also extremely helpful for me, knowing that we're far more alike than I care to admit at times, to know which string of words really brought her out of her high-stress environment.

You see, my friends, the women in my family tend to play the victim. When you are someone who plays the victim, it's VERY hard for you to recognize it. I see myself as more of an annoying martyr type - I go out of my way, all the time, but I'm probably going to remind you of it if you deny me something I ask for. That's manipulative. The W Women are manipulative.

And we're good at it.

And that's why I want to take 2010 and learn to relax, learn to be introspective, learn to listen to what I'm really feeling and not just what my knee-jerk reaction is. 2010 is the year I will think before I act or speak (and if you know me in real life, you know I do NOT do this).

This applies so well to relationships - with loved ones, a partner, your co-workers, your fridge.

If you have difficult relationships in your life, consider this as a year to start addressing them. Do you think it would make your weight loss journey easier to have more champions ON your said or AGAINST you?

Perhaps emotional eating wouldn't haunt us so much if we allowed ourselves to feel our emotions and learn from them rather than swallowing them whole.


Dana ( said...

Thanks for the reading material! I will totally add those books to my reading list! I just found your blog! New follower!!!

Bella said...

I'm glad you were able to approach dealing with your mom in a different way, and you got along so well!

Tamzin said...

sounds like you are really on a great start to 2010! :) good on ya for being so understanding.

fattygetsfit said...

Love this post. I have a similar relationship with my mama. Good thing you started your new year right!

totegirl said...

Holy shit. We have the same mother. And, hate to admit it, but maybe we react the same way. Glad to see things improving. I'm working on it too.