Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Enough Already.

I'm not going to lie and say today was awesome. It wasn't. Actually, it most was, with just a few hiccups.

I got to work and immediately started crying because of the overwhelming amount of work I had to do. Then, I remembered I hired someone last week and he was starting today.

The day at work went quickly, swimmingly, and without a cigarette.

I made a run to Target to pick up some much needed supplies. I grabbed 6 3-packs of delicious sounding sugar-free gums, some tootsie roll pops and I might have accidentally purchased a bag of Dark Chocolate Caramel Dove Promises. ... on sale for $2.99.

Plus side on that is - knowing full well I was freaking out- I stopped over to my girlfriend's house. The one who just had adorable baby Juniper. After eating 9 promises in the car, I pawned the rest off on the nursing mother. She loves chocolate. It was an easy task. The baby made it all make sense. She also reminded me of all the reasons I'm doing this, and I really had a chance to relax and talk with my friends.

Everything clicked.

Since then I had a healthy lunch, I took TWO classes at the gym, and now I'm heating up some Spaghetti Squash with Zucchini, Onion, Spinach and sauce. Yum.

As an aside, and somewhat of a TMI one (and not in a funny way) it dawned on me today that this was not a Double Whammy, but a TRIPLE WHAMMY and one to celebrate. I managed to quit smoking, without blowing anything up the week before TOM.

You see, my anniversary was last week, remember? So I was going to use my birth control to skip TOM (I do it a few times a year), only I forgot to do it. It was only supposed to be as a back up in case things came early, but they didn't, so I didn't. Today I got it, and I think it helped everything click.

There's no longer blame, or shame, in all of the mistakes I made over the past 3 days, because honestly - quitting smoking is SO much harder than losing weight. No offense to anyone's journey or struggle, I've been there, I've lost weight, but this is way harder. A THOUSAND TIMES HARDER, and I'm only 83 hours in.

I'm in it for the long haul. My new strategy is just to label myself a nonsmoker, the same way I am trying to accept myself for the fit thinner person that I am now, I need to also let my smoking past go with my fat past.

Ok. This was a ranty post. Tomorrow I'm talking TOTS. It's going to be a harsh look at my epic failure of the week, and also a celebration of my epic AWESOMENESS this week. You'll see what I mean.


Meet Virginia said...

yay for Nic! You are so back!
I was not gonna say anything, but I thought you were sounding hormonal. hehe.

And friend, you did NOT fail this week, you tripped. You are still in the race! Get it girl!

Sonya said...

You are so amazing. Hand's down.

I was speaking to a colleague about his battle with quitting smoking. He told me that one day, he bought his "last" pack of cigarettes. He looked at the box, put it in his drawer, and vowed that each day, he WOULDN'T smoke them. That was his daily goal: to NOT open the box in his drawer, no matter how hard things got. One day turned into twenty, into a hundred. And that's how he quit.

You can do this. Hell, you could climb Mt. Everest with all of your determination.:-)

Here's to getting through another 24 tomorrow.

Lor said...

not smoking is incredibly hard, you're right. and so is not eating to fill what's missing. (in part why i gained 40+pounds.) i know you're proud of every hour you've made it through without a stick in your hand, but stop counting the hours. (this sounds really bitchy, and i do NOT mean it to be!) stop dwelling on what you're letting go -- and focus on what you're gaining. BREATHING. health. a longer life. healther friends and fam members who aren't breathing in the second hand. MONEY! (idk how much they are in your neck of the woods, but they're almost 6 effing bucks here.) your sense of smell will come back. your taste buds will come back! (which might be a bad thing!? ;) ) when i quit, the less i dwelled on letting it go, the easier it became. i only have issues, now, when drinking -- which is only a few times a year. i mean, i'm talking more than just a couple of glasses of wine with dinner. getting drunk. i see it only fit with a beer in one hand and a ciggy in the other. HOWEVER, last time I tried to have a cig (my birthday last april), i took one drag, coughed, and stomped it out. it was NASTY beyond NASTY. sure, sure, they're awesome, and they give your hand something to do.. and there's something soothing and calming and wonderful about them -- but they junk up your lungs, they make your hands, clothes and hair STINK.. they stain your walls, they empty your pocket book, they're just disgusting, really, they're life sucking, chemical-ridden, legal crack rolled in paper.

buy yourself some new shampoo -- and relish that you can smell it.

if you're an outside smoker, read a book while you sit outside instead of smoking.

relish in the fact that your hands wont ever smell like shit again..that your fingernails won't yellow..and in 20 years, you won't look 40 years older.

there is plenty in life that can kill us -- don't ask for it!

HANG IN THERE! I've been there, and I made it, and dammit, so can you! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

Slimming Sammy said...

My TOM always creeps up on me unexpectedly and the few days before it pops up I always feel awful and like a failure and that life sucks and when it becomes apparant that its because i'm hormonal I feel so much more relieved because I can explain why i've been feeling awful, when in fact things arnt nearly so bad.
It sounds like you have some positive wind in your sails now so keep riding it.

nic said...

Lor, I totally get what you're saying... But I think counting the hours and celebrating is the only thing getting my through right now.

In the same way celebrating pounds lost and counting them and stating your accomplishment, I'm celebrating every second I am strong enough to choose not to smoke.

Tiffany said...

You are doing great! Good for you giving away the chocolate. Just wanted to add a total side note on that....choc can disagree with bf babies. You might want to warn your friend to watch for fussiness with baby. I couldn't eat choc for 13 months....unless a wanted to deal with a grumpy baby (which, let's face it, I did a few times).
Keep up the good work nonsmoker :)