Friday, November 6, 2009

Body Image: Boobies or Bust.

All my life, I've wanted a breast reduction.

Boys started snapping my bra in grade 3. Freshman year of high school I was getting D's, despite being on the honor roll. My chest never fit my frame, especially when I was thin, but as I gained more and more weight, they just kept growing with me until eventually I could only purchase bras from catalogues mailed primarily to 80 year old women. It was SO not sexy.

I had moved into bra sizes I didn't even know existed (E & sometimes F).

I mean, check these out.

It's kind of eye opening to see that just one of my knockers was bigger than Eli's 5 year old head. A HUMAN HEAD.

Now that I've dropped more than 50 pounds, my poor breasts have lost all their will to live. After being pumped full, stretched to their capacity and then had all of their life-giving fat fitnessized out of them, they've given up... rather, given down.

It is not easy for me to show this, and perhaps it's not something you'd like to see, but below is a photograph of my sad sacks in their natural state, hovering mere inches above my belly button (which is located right under that second wrinkle in my shirt).

Remember that song "Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro?" While though I've never tried, I am quite confident that I could, in fact, tie these in a knot.. if not a bow.

I'm a huge fan of accepting yourself where you are. I love my body. I love it for everything it can do and everything it hasn't yet done but wants to. I'll also readily admit that I am chock full of stretch marks for a variety of reasons. I don't look at those with disdain, however, because they explain the history of my victory over the battle with weight. What once was taught and stretched over large amounts of body fat, is now taught and stretched over nicely sculpted muscle, and I'm proud. They're not beautiful by society's standards, but honestly, I really kind of like them. They're me.

These rocks in socks however, are not. Not that I enjoyed the staring or bimbo-stereo-typing of having a very large chest, but I did enjoy feeling very feminine. Feeling comfortable (except for all those times when I was uncomfortable, due to back pain, underwires and chaffing).

The problem now lies in the fact that even though I have managed to shrink my ladies to the size I've always wanted to be, their vessels are still hanging around (literally) and I'm reduced to the same inflated bra sizes just to hold the skin that will never leave.

This Sunday, I'm having dinner with my sister who has had both a breast reduction, as well as "alternate" augmentation after losing a grand amount of weight. We're going to discuss her plastic surgeon and my possibility of *truly* having the body I've always wanted by having a lift with a very small impant for perkiness. I've accepted (and appreciate) the fact that I will never have mile-long gams or a cute little butt (I settled on a cute big butt), but I do not accept, at under 30 years old, having the breasts of my 93 year old grandma.

No way, no sir.

What are your thoughts on elective plastic surgery? Be open, be honest.

I've mostly always been against it, but as I become a "real" adult, someone who knows who they are and knows what they want, I believe more and more that it's your body; if you want to screw it up, go ahead, as long as it's for YOU and not for THEM.

What's your take?


Joanna said...

A good friend of mine in her 40's lost over a hundred pounds a few years ago and I know that it sounds like her booby situation is similar to yours. I know she is really self-concious about it and you know what I say? People deserve to be happy in their bodies. If you feel that a visit to the plastic surgeon could provide you with a lifetime of feeling better about your body, why not? I've been to plastic surgeons to see what they can do for my scar and still haven't ruled out getting the procedure done.

Just don't get addicted to plastic surgery and end up looking like this:

: p

sloth said...

Hi! I have been reading your blog for quite some time and love it. I wanted to ask though if you considered choosing a nice bra rather than surgeon. Nicely fitted bra (and I am not talking about VS fitting)in a very good quality store can make miracles!! Especially if you are skinny I wear F sometimes G and the bras are actually sexy and extremely nice!!Although floppy when I take them off(which is the only time when my hubby is there and he love every bit of the way i am). I can send you plenty of information/links of how the properly fitted bra looks like and how it can change the way you look. I have always had a bra that were bad for me (and didn't know about it) and now that i am consius about how to choose them - it is a totally different story. Please let me know if you would liek more information about that

kristen said...

I haven't commented in awhile, but I do still read. I'm in a similar situation as you. I don't think my boobs has changed as drastically, but I was once a D and can probably fit comfortably in a B if not for the extra deflated skin. I would eventually love to have that kind of plastic surgery, but I always feel that the money could be better spend on things , oh, a down payment on a car, or to save for a house.

Have you priced this stuff out yet? I'm anxious to hear about your discussion with your sister.

nic said...

Thanks Sloth, even though I've had professional bra fittings and have (over the years) found sexy bras in my size (32E) I would still love to read it!

Kristen: I agree about money better spent, but I am confident that at least a portion of this surgery will be covered and I also know that making this investment in myself will give me confidence to go after other dreams, like going back to school and chasing my dream job.

Joanna: I love you, and your scar, but glad you have a point of reference for where I'm coming from.

In the end, I would love to be in public without a bra, in a nonembarrassing way, before I die.

Zanna, travelling tart said...

You've embarked on a major journey - you're very close to the end and if there's an opportunity to feel happier still then I'm all for grabbing it with both hands. Another criteria I use when making decisions is to ask myself if 20 years further down the track I'll look back and say "I wish I had". Z xx

Kassie said...

I had a breast reduction for medical reasons many, many years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. Now, when I'm thin I'm about a B and when I'm fat, like now, I'm about a C.

I think having that surgery has opened my eyes to what a difference it can make to someone. A good friend lost a lot of weight and had a tummy tuck. It just makes her feel better and her clothes fit better.

I think you should do what you want. Obviously you don't want to rush into, but it should be up to you. If you can afford it and want it, then go for it.

Tina said...

I, too, have boobs the size of small child's head...and I SWEAR...some day when I get rid of all this weight, THEY WILL BE PUT BACK UP WHERE THEY BELONG! :o)

Losing Waist! said...

After my mom got both of her breasts removed from cancer, she decided NOT to get the work done to get "new" ones.

Just this year she decided to get some kind of mini-face lift, and she told me that she felt like not only did she have one to recoup, but that she was most self conscious about her face.

I don't think that it ended up being anything else but something for her, and she feels amazing. That is what matters to me. If someone gets something done that makes them feel empowered and beautiful- DO IT!!

If your boobs bother you now, and are a pain- do what you need to do. If it makes you feel fantastic, and relieves you....!!

The only time it is distasteful is when it ends up like Joan Rivers.

Bella said...

Mine are not nearly as perky as I want them to be either, though for me I think that is simply due to having bad connective tissue (I also have lots of stretchmarks there as well as just about everywhere else on my body).
If it was a possibility financially (maybe in a few years) I would be lying if I said I would not consider this!

Bare It All said...

I think you should totally research it and then decide. :) There is no reason that you shouldn't have the body you want within reason. This is reasonable.

Heidi said...

Go for it. Seriously, anything that makes you feel better about yourself is worth it. I know a couple of people who have had similar procedures and they both said they felt so much more comfortable with themselves. One even lost an additional 15 pounds after hers because she enjoyed exercising more.

100in12 said...

For me, as a fellow gigantic-boob-haver, I just want mine to be a bit more perky on their own, but I really don't want anything extra implanted in there. I'm not sure if such an option exists. If it does, I would totally seriously consider some sort of breast-surgery when I'm at goal weight, depending on how the ol girls look.

Caitlin Murphy said...

Hi, I just started following your blog recently and I don't know if I have left a comment yet or not. But I just wanted to say I think it is so awesome that you are willing to share your story. I think if you find the right surgeon and are confident in their skills and qualifications, why not do that for yourself? After I lose the extra 20 to 25 pounds I need to lose I am going to start evaluating my tummy, because after my two pregnancies my poor skin (it is bad and I am not vain like some who just have a couple stretch marks, I mean it is all over you know- definitely no bikini even if I am skinny- not that that is really a goal for myself, but you know). Oh, and seriously a little perkiness never hurt anyone, right? :) Plastic surgery is kind of scary though- so just be careful.

Look forward to future posts!

nic said...

I just want to thank everyone for having such an overwhelmingly postive response to this post. I expected to be bashed, at least a little bit, but the truth is that if this could be fixed with hard work and exercise - it would be fixed.

I'm obviously not opposed to working my ass off to get what I want.

100in12, the unfortunate part is that that can't happen. The ligaments and tissue that keep our breasts "perky" are stretched and ultimately torn due to oversized breasts. (As you see in my photo they are flat and then balloon out at the bottom, where the breast tissue is) Breasts lifts only remove skin and reposition it, rather than repair the ligament - that is why I was looking at having a very small implant positioned so that they would always stay perky, versus having this happen again should I ever gain and lose some weight again?

Make sense in a hopefully non-condescending way?

totegirl said...

Yes, do it. If I keep my weight off and still don't have the body I want in 2 years (late 2011), I'm going to get a tummy tuck and breast lift. It will be for me, if I still want it by then. If not, fine. It's whatever I want!

Del said...

I can relate. My breasts were always large, and even when I was at my heaviest my large breasts were what mede me feel sexy. After loosing about 50 pounds I was trying on bras, and looking at myself under the oh so flattering florescent lights, I had a breakdown. I started crying right there in the dressing room. My breasts, which had always been the source of the feelings of attractiveness were now small and droopy. I knew I was being silly, but that did not change how I felt! I have now made peace with my breasts, but I will not rule out cosmetic surgery someday in the future. I think it is ok if it is truly for yourself and not to please someone else.