Thursday, October 29, 2009

Mistaken

After all that, I ended up having a Losing Week. A great losing week too. Two more pounds down toward the ultimate goal.

Speaking of which, that ultimate goal is only 6.4lbs away.

SIX POINT FOUR POUNDS AWAY.

In 39 days, I will have been working on this for 2 years.

2 glorious years of ass kicking whipped in to shape craziness that has become my life. The focus has almost all been toward fitness and overall health rather than the scale, which is perhaps why it's taking so "long." I don't actually think losing 60lbs in 2 years is slow, but apparently a lot of Weight Watchers do. The shift now is mental, as I touched on yesterday a bit. As I mention every other post, The Beck Diet Solution is helping me so much with that side.

I had a big long talk with my Leader, Diane, last night at my meeting. She was excited and screaming because I only have 6 more pounds to go, and I let loose on her. I spilled out the fact that I'm scared, too scared to do this. If I do it, that means I can accomplish anything. If I do it that means people will always expect me to win, to succeed, to do it well and keep it up. If I finish I might have to tackle all the other areas of my life that are bothering me.

She just stared at me, wondering why any of that was a bad thing. She was sympathetic, though she didn't understand and admit that right off the bat. All she ever wanted was to be "skinny" and all I really wanted was to be fit. My identity has changed, and now I'm sporty and outdoorsy where I used to be a city girl. It's making it hard to keep friendships going and it creates a lot of unnecessary competition in my relationship.

I still don't know what to do with any of these realizations, but I do know that even though I'm scared, I have to finish this. I have 39 days to do it in less than 2 years. I've set a temporary goal to make it to goal by the end of the year, but I'd really rather see it happen before 12/7/09. I've never set an actual weight/time goal, so this is strange territory for me. But I think it's exactly what I need.

9 comments:

Rebecca said...

wow. 2 lbs!!! that is fabulous nic!

and it sounds like your equipped with the right tools to get their by the 7th of December!

Sonya said...

Congratulations! That is amazing.

I totally understand how you might be scared about finally getting there. Because it'll be like, "now what?". But it'll be an incredible feeling.

Rock on!

totegirl said...

Um, yeah! So you'll be in a whole 'nother tax bracket. So what? You should already know that you can do anything you set your mind to!

Let's do this thing Nic! I'm at 142 today. That means 7 lbs. for me. Let's go!

nic said...

Totegirl, sounds like a challenge! I'm in! Let's go!

Heidi said...

Woot woot! Congratulations. You'll easily be to your goal by the end of the year.

*Irene* said...

You have done an amazing job over the past two years and you will keep it up for many years to come. Congrats hun!

Bare It All said...

Nice work! You sound like you are ready to get this goal accomplished by 12.7. :)

Zanna, travelling tart said...

Yes you're a bit like a butterfly emerging from a chrysallis - everyone (including you) had you neatly labelled as a comfortable caterpillar and they're not sure about this beautiful butterfly. You're worrying about setting yourself up for other challenges - what do you think you you're doing to your friends and family - for them too you're a constant reminder that it is possible to change the things in our lives we don't like. Be gentle with them and more importantly be gentle with yourself - you now know you can change things you want to - so when you decide you're ready to make some more changes then do so - but nothing says you have to leap into action right now - just enjoy being a butterfly for a while! Zxx

nikbis said...

Congrats!! You're so close :-) Just found your blog now but I love it!