Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Influence.

I had a binge episode on Monday night. I ate 1/2 a package of Low-Fat Chips Ahoy Chocolate Chip Cookies. (Total: 19.5 points) Oh I tracked it, and hell, I even had the points for it, but WHY did I eat this whole bag of cookies?

I feel angry and left out.

I just wrote out a whole rant explaining that, but erased it because I don't want to go in to too much detail about those feelings. I'm exploring them on my own and hoping to gain some insight.

I want to keep my attitude positive. I had a horrible day yesterday (personally, not food-wise), which I attribute to the additional sugar in my blood that I'm not used to, but managed to turn it around late in the afternoon and go to bed feeling lucky to be alive again.

I'm not sure what the scale is going to do for me tonight. What with the cookies and my intense muscle workout last night, it's unpredictable. However, I like Foody McBody's take that I'm having a "Learning Week" this week. So I made a mistake, I know what not to do next week.

I especially feel on top of my game this morning recognizing my feelings and some difficult conversations I'm going to have to have soon. I'm not looking forward to them, but at least I can acknowledge that I don't need to eat them. It's pretty hard to talk when your mouth is full of food.

5 comments:

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

During the early part of my journey, I had to face up to the fact that my willpower just wasn't up to snuff, so I just quit bringing the foods I couldn't resist into the house. There was a lot of wah-wah-wah'ing from the kids, but even they eventually got with the program. There's still a few things I can't seem to control myself around, but that list is shrinking all the time. Now that I'm working out regularly, I equate those empty calories with time spent on an elliptical or stairmaster. Totally. Not. Worth. It.

Good luck getting the emotional side of this deal in check. For my money, that's where the real roadblocks happen.

totegirl said...

Hey Nic! I feel you girl, but I do like the Learning Week approach. When that would happen to me, I'd tell myself that maybe the scale would move down because I tricked my body, blah, blah, blah. But eventually, like Jack, I just stopped having that crap in the house at all. It's not like I'll never eat cookies again, but I don't need to have them around. Please don't stress about it too much! I know it's easier said than done, but it's in the past, and your whole glorious future is ahead of you!

Lor said...

i hope things get better, girl. you're smart and tough. you'll get through.

as for the cookies, like others have said, i cant keep it in the house anymore. **shrugs** don't beat yourself up, just try to relax and think.

Doug said...

Bah.

Keep trying to find other ways to relieve stress. Particularly those that keep you active.

Heidi said...

I think it's so awesome that you are being open and honest about it with yourself. So many times when I have a binge moment, I don't want to track it and I feel like just pretending it didn't happen. I'm glad that you're not necessarily upset about it, but you've realized you just need to get to the bottom of why it happened.

I hope your weigh-in went well, and even if this week was a little bit disappointing, there's always tomorrow and next week.