Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Weighing in.

Before I get to the results of tonight's weigh in, which - if you simply can't wait - you can see to the right of this post, I wanted to reflect on something.

Just a few days ago, I received a comment from someone I socialize with on a regular basis that really threw me for a loop. This person told me I really "have it all together." All of it. Work, Home Life, Fitness, Health, etc. I struggle to think of why I haven't authentically represented myself to this person, or if they are, for some reason, holding me in some sort of light that helps me to appear this way.

I definitely don't have it all together. The job thing I prefer not to discuss on the internet, my home life is certainly not to be admired, I flake out on my fitness routine on a regular basis and I am still smoking after numerous attempts to quit. I am anything but a role model.

I did learn from this reflection though. I learned that while my best of friends are so sick of my excessive complaining, having that outlet to spew the worst parts of my days leaves me to have positive and insightful conversations with others. It really got me to think about this blog, and how Rebecca mentioned that she does much better with her eating when she checks in to her blog-world regularly. I strongly believe that having a dedicated outlet for my tug-of-war with weight loss really helps to keep me in check. I also realize that my ability to laugh at myself and be honest about the embarrassing things I do actually helps people, as long as you're captivating the correct audience.

There is probably not a single person who subscribes to this blog who hasn't had a day like I had today, where a shoe box of gourmet chocolate crossed my desk as a gift from a donor. This is a relatively new donor who only knows me in the body I have now. People are quick to believe that people easily maintain or have always had the bodies they currently inhabit. Either way, this box contained no less than 1,000,000 calories of delicious decadent chocolate goodies. My immediate reaction was to give it all away, and as I dispersed it amongst my sweet toothed co-workers, I started saving certain bars for myself.

I just HAD to keep the Cinnamon Latte Milk Chocolate bar! Ooohhhh I can't live without a Dark Chocolate Organic Caramel square! Key Lime Chocolate Truffle Bar? Count me in!

The results of this gathering spree are laying on my baker's rack as I type this. Exactly 8 bars of chocolate of varying flavors. That does not include the bag of gourmet M&Ms I ate while catching up on my professional RSS feeds, as well as the 7 Dove Promises (in Bananas Foster flavor!) I also managed to stuff in my face. The craziest part is that I gave away 32 bars of chocolate. The coolest part is that my donor likes me enough to think I am worth a lifetime supply of chocolate.

My strategy is to pare this stash down to 5 bars, slipping a few along with the birthday gifts for my brother and sister, whose March birthdays we are celebrating this Sunday. The remaining 5 will go straight into the freezer, a strategy I practice often with chocolate. I recommended this to my WW Meeting friend Elizabeth who received a very large, very chocolate bunny from her mom in a C.A.R.E. package from Kansas. Frozen chocolate requires gnawing. After a while, gnawing starts to feel desperate and/or obnoxious, so you just stop.

Speaking of the meeting, tonight's topic "Self Control" was actually incredibly timely. As I mentioned earlier, I had a bit of a problem with that today, just one post after my monologue about feeling in control. What happened happened, and while I wouldn't normally recommend this to anyone, I am not tracking it. I did go through the process of determining how many points I consumed (almost 40) from my snack attack today, but I am going to leave it at that and learn from it.

Knowing myself, if I start this week with no flex points, I will begin to get anxious each day after lunch when I see that I have only 8-10 points remaining with many hours left in the day. That anxiety leads to denying myself food I really should be eating, which leads to panic, which leads to binges.

Forgiving what happened this afternoon, learning from it, and moving on (even without tracking) will really help me in staying on track this week. From this moment on, I have a fresh start. I am getting ready to sit down and plan out my menu for the week before making myself a healthy dinner and sitting down to watch a movie and treat myself to a glass of wine.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new day that will be planned. A new day that includes ZUMBA!

And by the way, despite yesterday's tortilla chips and today's massive chocolate overload, I still managed a 1.2lb loss. Hooray!


Jessitracker said...

Congrats on your loss - Go team Fempire!

Rebecca said...

i think that's my biggest problem..

i'm in a very different state now, than i have been in the past, which also means that talking to people about weight-loss, healthy living has become increasingly difficult.

my mom and i used to be the biggest supporters of each other and unfortunately she still hasnt made that change where you automatically order brown rice instead of white, where you order the salad instead of the burger because tonight your indulging in that shot of dessert instead of eating burgers and dessert.

ive come to depend on a few bloggers who i know are on the same wave length as i am, and i cant get enough of when they post. its in those few minutes where i feel like i'm not alone.

i think your game plan is great because obviously you know by doing one thing, will/can only lead to further destructive behavior and altho this may be a small glib, your making changes to prevent that from happening today, tomorrow or even on Sunday!!

Have a great Easter if you don't post before then!!

kristen said...

First, CONGRATS on the loss! That's so awesome!

What if, in addition to freezing the chocolate bars, you open them and break them into individual servings and then freeze them, so you're still not tempted to overindulge? I've been trying to do that to most snacks whenever I can. So far it's worked really well with controlling my portions.

BTW, I LOOOOOOOVE the bananas foster Dove chocolates...and gormet M&Ms...and those chocolate bars you received sound so amazing. I think you did an excellent thing by giving most of them away but keeping a select few for yourself. If you deprive yourself you'll inevitably binge on something else. That's how this wonderful cycle works.

I agree with you that having a dedicated outlet helps to keep things in check. We can go back and look at when and for how long we slipped, why, and reflect.

Have fun at ZUMBA!

antgirl said...

Great news to hear of your loss.

Keeping that psyche in check I think is the biggest part of losing and maintaining. Whatever works, use it.

Wow! That sounds like a massive amount of chocolate. I would have a hard time giving away the dark chocolate myself.

*Irene* said...

Congrats, that's awesome!
PS. A Dark Chocolate Organic Caramel square sounds amazing!