Saturday, April 18, 2009

Thoughts from the Desk. All tied up.

I was reading an article, as we all do, about "the secrets to Weight Loss." They're not secrets, actually. They never are. Since the very first weight loss article I've ever read, I have not learned anything new. I have read the same idea, over and over, in another persons words - yet somehow, they only seem to sink in here and there.

Right now, I feel like I'm trapped. Trapped with these same 5 pounds I keep losing and gaining. If I were simply trying to maintain, I would feel amazing that I have been able to stay within the same 5 pounds for 6 months, when I get to maintenance, I think I'm going to rock it. On the other hand, I'm still trying to lose, but it's harder now. It's harder to tell the difference, the weight is coming off slower, I lose motivation, I get stressed and then I divert back to old habits.

I recognize what I'm doing, and I'm self-sabotaging. There's a million reasons why, and I have pinpointed some of them. They're all completely neurotic and probably untrue, but so is most any other thought that runs through my head these days.

The Meltdown has really served it's purpose for me so far. We're nearing the close of the 3rd week, and well I was eating horribly last week, I felt a very urgent need to keep my gym schedule up so that I wouldn't let Jessica down, even though I know she could care less about this stupid contest. But I think that was the point, another place to be held accountable, since apparently, even though it's my lease favorite thing in the world, I need to be micro-managed.

I'm headed off to the gym in a minute. It's time to break the chains. The weather is fantastic, I'm going to ride my bike there, do some weight training, 15 minutes of the step mill and ride home. It's best for me not to try to force too much activity into it. I've found that on the days when I promise myself I will only have to work out for 20 minutes, that I end up working very hard for those 20 minutes and then continuing on for about another 15-20. The times when I want to be there for an hour or more, I want to leave after 20 minutes.

I just keep thinking about my test results from the body fat analysis, and I want to see some sort of improvement. If I can see anything, a decimal of a difference, I will know that things are happening inside me even when I can't see them. Blind faith in your weight loss process is difficult.

Here I go.

2 comments:

antgirl said...

I am pretty much completely in the same spot as you ... if I nudge at all it's nominal and subtle. I utterly empathize.

The last few pounds are the hardest. Have you tried strength training? That's when I finally got a nudge. If nothing else, it's tightening up all the undesirable jiggly bits. :)

nic said...

Definitely. I love strength training. It's the cardio I hate.

I've been strength training for about 1.5 years and I try to constantly change it up. It has made a HUGE impact on the shape of my body.