Thursday, April 2, 2009

Chasing the proverbial tail.

CAUTION: Do NOT read if you are currently full of motivation.

I hate to have to do this again. I hate that I come here and have to write about this. I want to write about how I lost at WI last night, even if it were just .2lbs, I would be delighted. I want this blog to be a source of inspiration, a reminder that you CAN do it, and lately - I'm feeling the opposite is true.

I had to drop a couple of blogs from my reader because the authors were always falling off track, constantly, and excusing their struggles as just "things that happen" rather than learning from them and their patterns. Rather than identifying the difficult situations and picturing a solution and making grand attempts to implement those solutions whenever possible.

I can't tell you that I lost at my weigh in.

I can tell you that I'm incredibly frustrated right now. In the 11 weeks since I've joined meetings, I have lost about 3.5 pounds. I have gained and lost and gained and lost and gained and lost the same 5lbs over and over. Granted, I was being a lazy girl about it for a few of those weeks, genuinely not taking the program seriously. However, the weeks I've lost, I've deserved it. I'm just sore about the WI last night because I attribute it 100% to the margaritas and tortilla chips. I went back over my tracker last night, just to see. I tracked EVERYTHING. Literally. Even when I had 2 pieces of string cheese in a row and was reaching for a third, took a string and then threw it away to stop the binge... I tracked that. It wasn't worth any points, but I put it in there, so I would remember what I was doing and where I was when I felt the need to mainline string cheese.

I'm learning from this week, so it's not a total loss, and I'm not a total baby. My normal advice, which I spew ALL THE TIME, is that this isn't a race. I have my whole life to lose weight and struggle to maintain it. I realize that. It's simply the fact that I was SO close to this small goal that means so very much to me. It's a large disappointment, and to see it thrown away on something so stupid, it's hard.

Jessica and I joined the Meltdown Challenge at the Y to give ourselves an extra push. I think a little fitness incentive (like the opportunity to win money) is just what I need to get my ass in gear. The fantastic part is that 3/4th of what is required for the Meltdown are things we already do for Weight Watchers, though I'm not that excited to turn in my food log for the beginning of this week.... I'm sure the trainers will be DELIGHTED to know that I had tortilla chips for dinner. The neat part is that we get to have BodyFat analysis tests done, and I named our team the "Fempire Strikes Back."

I'm not going to try to make April goals. I only have two things I'm really aiming for this month.

+ Make Exercise Fun Again: I am not setting an AP goal. This month, I want to get back in that spot where I crave exercise and I push myself. I also want to make sure I'm doing a diverse amount of activity. This means: pole fitness, African Dance, Zumba, Wii Fit, Cardio Kickboxing, riding my bike everywhere, walking the dog, running outside, etc. I aim for 30-60 minutes every single day.

+ Find the Lessons: When a week goes bad, like this one did, or a day or an hour... I will sit down, reassess the situation and ask what I can take away from it. Included in this goal is an attempt to monitor my feelings, as the last time I was very focused on that, I was quite successful with not overeating.

I am already setting myself up for success this week. Last night, after my meeting, Justin and I were supposed to go to the Bradstreet Crafthouse in the Graves 601 to sample new martini creations. I had been looking forward to this all week, but I called it off and we stayed in with big bowls of spaghetti and turkey meatballs instead. I was also invited to a fun fancy girl's night on Saturday, which I gracefully bowed out of. Both on account of financial situation and to stay on track. This one hurts though, I rarely get to see these girls, and I never get to dress up, but I am very focused right now (...and broke).

My fridge is STOCKED with tons of healthy choices. This afternoon, between 800 meetings, I am going to try to prepare some food to eat for dinner because tonight I want to try to make time for Zumba.


Rebecca said...

ooppffff... i'm so there with you..

ive stopped reading certain blogs too because they make excuses about why they aren't losing weight. the sad thing is, i sometimes feel like i'm just like them.

i totally understand what you mean by how important this was to you and how it just slipped away and it is unfortunate that more than likely it was the margaritas and chips fault.

i think your plan for this week is great...i do believe that sometimes we just need to cut ourselves off from the 'world' when trying to lose weight.

you're on the right track for sure.

i am wondering though, whats your 'goal' weight?

nic said...

I am still teetering between my goal being 140lbs or 135lbs.

Maybe 137lbs?

kristen said...

The last time I did WW was last "semester" (I work at a university and they have WW at work every semester). I don't remember exactly how many weeks it went, but I ended the semester heavier than I started. Sometimes our bodies may be trying to tell us that we're not quite ready to shed some more pounds, that we need to really learn the healthy habits before we start to see the effects of them. I'm an impatient person (you should see me drive!) and this was a really hard thing to accept. But as you mentioned, this isn't a race. This is a learning experience, it's life. I truly believe that every time we fall off the wagon and gain, we can make it a learning experience and still be one step closer to living more healthfully- despite what the scale says.

I went to the Meltdown site and it looks like a great idea! Sometimes we just need that extra incentive to bring us back to where we were feeling our best. I know that I get the best workouts when I'm on a team or working out with someone, that extra accountability can really push you. I'm sure you'll do great!

antgirl said...

Really thinking about where I go wrong and how to change it has been productive for me. I really have to think why I'm doing something and what I will stick to and developing a plan that takes it all into account.

The most important thing was changing my perspectives and attitudes on some things - learning to absolutely LOVE, yes luv, what I eat and what I do for myself. That seems to make success more likely.

I was getting into a funk about exercise, too. I just borrowed a ton of dvds from the library and really mixed things up. I purchased the ones I really liked. That seems to have gotten me out of that funk. That, and the shrinking abdomen. That has me excited. :)

Tamzin said...

sounds like a totally reasonable set of goals. I did the same this week.

I have set and failed at the "I WILL GO TO THE GYM 5 TIMES and I WILL RUN X times and I WILL EAT ONLY GEREN THING BETWEEN 12 and 9PM" goals. So I made some different ones for April.

This month - be more active, and enjoy my activities! Heres to a good month for us both!