Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Back on Track... again.

I had a fantastic workout yesterday after an otherwise pretty horrible WW week. I have officially become the kind of blog you stop following when you're sick of the ups and downs.

I had a revelation on the Stepmill yesterday, as I was cranking the intensity up to level 15 (there are only 20, and 15 is insane!), If I can just give it my all for 5 weeks... I could be there.

The honest truth is that I haven't given it my all in at least 6 months. I haven't been 100% aware of my GHGs, I have had had weeks where I tracked everything but didn't stay within my points. I haven't come close to my level of activity from last year... nothing.

If I promise myself that for 5 weeks, I am 100% dedicated... I could probably come really really close to me goal weight.

The key here being that I have obviously learned how to maintain. I have been bouncing around the same 3-5lbs for almost a year now. While it's incredibly frustrating, that's a pretty amazing accomplishment for someone who steadily gained 15lbs a year for the last 4 years. I'm also fully cognizant of the fact that I CAN do it, because when I first re-joined Weight Watchers in December of 2007, I was a power house. I was at the gym everyday, sweating it out, giving it everything I had. I was making new and interesting foods that always had veggies and fruits. I planned, I mapped my progress, I was making progress and I felt powerful.

I know I can do it.

I wish I could have had this revelation starting with the Meltdown rather than with only 2 weeks left, but I know those 2 weeks will make a difference. I have been upping my activity each week as I struggle to not be embarrassed when I turn in my activity log. I have been racking up new and interesting things to participate in. I can do it.

Today, however, is WI day. I skipped my meeting last week because I was cowardly. I am going this week, but I'm not excited about it. I know that no one cares what I weigh. I'm not SO self-obsessed that I think anyone would judge me for the 3lbs I've gained since last WI (which is actually a 2lb loss since last week). But, I got my TOM this morning, and I just know that it's not going to be good.

Today, probably all day, I will be contemplating using my No-Weigh-In-Pass. It's not really worth it, but I also don't want to feel defeated.

In other news, I invited my mom back to my meeting. We had a very serious talk on Friday afternoon that resulted in tears from both of us. The honesty floodgates opened and I simply told her she HAD to do this. She has to. We're terrified for her health, and I need her around. If coming to my meeting is the only thing that works, then so be it, but it will be a positive hour of my week no matter what, or I will ask her to leave again. She accepted all of this information well, and I was surprised because it was no easy pill to swallow. I pulled a lot of cards out of the guilt deck, and I feel bad about it, but sometimes... after you've exhausted all the options, you just go back to good old fashioned Catholic Guilt.

and you know what?

She walked this week.

Twice.

And she grocery shopped, planned meals and learned how to use the Recipe Builder online to create some of her favorite meals in the tracker.

I'm proud.

Back to the point. I am starting my own Meltdown Challenge starting today. 5 weeks, 100% dedication, with forgiveness for the inevitable ice cream breakdown. It's going to be difficult, considering it's MN Fashion Week and there are lots of cocktail parties to attend, but you can't tell the difference between diet coke and a cocktail as long as you stick a lime wedge on the glass, so that will be my plan.

Onward!

2 comments:

Rebecca said...

5 weeks eh...isnt that Memorial Day?!

oh shit...i may need my own Meltdown!!!

antgirl said...

Maintaining is an accomplishment in itself. We tend to overlook the glory of it. I, too, had never kept an even weight for a year before until this one. I was usually on the gaining side.

Maybe we need to catch our breaths sometimes or come up with a new plan. :) Sounds like you've got your game on.