Saturday, January 17, 2009

Thoughts from the Desk : Coffee and Conscience

I'm a good person. I will celebrate with you, commiserate with you, give advice when you need it, or pick you up at 4am when you've had too much to drink. I'm a loyal friend, who's honest to the point of being brutal.

My favorite part about my adult life is that this is something that is honored now. I realize there are better ways to frame what I am trying to say, and I'm working on that - but I am eternally grateful that my friendships have all progressed to the point where Honesty is a real value. We're no longer just searching for affirmation that we are friends, that there's someone there to call on Friday night to hang out. I have friends who will tell me I'm making a huge mistake with my life, that my pants are too tight, or (and this is the worst) that I have really hurt their feelings and all the reasons why.

The benefit to this type of relationship, though trying and hard at times, is that it's real. It's real and I can learn from it. It's real and it will stand the tests because we are being open and honest about all the things we will deal with.

I am so comfortable with this fact and these dealings that even when things are going horribly wrong - I know I'm in a good place. I know that eventually things will work themselves out, not on their own, but through lots of talking, explaining and honesty.

I'm not having any sort of relationship problem today. This post is merely inspired by how mature I feel at times when I spend a significant chunk of a night on the Weight Watcher's Twenty Somethings message board. For me, a lot of inspiration comes merely from reading other posts and having NO relation or reaction to them what-s0-ever. It's strange to feel like I'm in a completely different place than the majority of a generation I apparently belong to. I'm on the "late" scale of the 20 somethings, but they're still my peers.

I love being able to be on the boards and offer advice to people who actually want it. When you're genuinely seeking advice, having someone with years of knowledge on the subject spell it out for you is usually exactly what you're looking for. It seems, however, that when you're a self-centered "20 something," you've already got your answer, and you're seeking advice as a mask for affirmation that what you've already chosen is ok. You instantly go into defense mode when someone brings up a different point of view and then it all turns into a ridiculous argument with insult flying when the original goal was to assist and aide.

I am SO glad I'm not there.

I had a great conversation with one of my best friends, Jessica, in a similar realm of this yesterday. I was confiding in her all the ways I know I need to improve myself. The way I present myself to people, my intelligence (I severely need a larger vocabulary) and the way I balance my time. My stress levels are THROUGH THE ROOF due to a job that is brimming with pressure, a relationship that is kind of walking on egg shells due to scheduling and qualms with certain members of my family.

The best part about being secure with myself, is that I can pick through the list of things that are causing me to freak out and cross off the ones I just can not control. I can't solve those, and there is no sense in worrying about them. It doesn't mean I won't, I'm a natural worrier, but it provides a solid 5 minutes of calm to remember that I simply can't change it.

I have no idea where I'm going with this entry. It does make me feel better to spell all of this out just for my own personal reference. Perhaps it will resonate with you?

Do you feel like an adult or a perpetual teenager?

I go back and forth between the two. I know, in my heart, that I'm an old soul, but I see in my smile that I'm a goofy awkward kid and I feel like I couldn't ask for a better mix.

1 comment:

1LB to the Goal said...

Yep - that very much resonated with me. Well said!